I told my grandson I have 4000 NVDA shares so he'll wipe my assShitpost (self.wallstreetbets)
submitted 13 hours ago * by McKoijionHighly regarded artist
TL;DR: my gullible grandson wipes my ass to get into my will because I told him I bought 4,000 $NVDA shares (1,000 shares pre 4:1 split) in 2018/2019 and am now sitting on >$2.5 million in NVDA.
I'm 87 and immobile in a wheelchair and don't know anything about semiconductors or anything else technology related. I cannot Google or text, and I currently have someone who lives in my home 24/7 and wipes my ass for me. However, I'm a damn intuitive savant when it comes to tricking gullible kids.
I did grow up in the biggest bull market in human history with some Boomers printing money like Chuck E. Cheese bucks.. and everyone is a genius in a bull market.. Well almost everyone. I didn't invest so now I just scam Millennials and Zoomers.
Anyway, I like talking stocks with my grandson because it's something we could connect on, and I have a ton of experience selling worthless advice to idiots. So in 2018 we were talking about the market, and I casually brought up Nvidia. He thought I didn't guide him to that at all. He bought Nvidia in 2017 so he was familiar with it although he bought his shares at 18 yrs old with $2k he had saved up. Nothing insane although he kept 90% to this day. I said I saw NVIDIA in a newspaper article with someone recommending it for elderly's retirement accounts. So I told my grandson I was an OGangster, called my broker and bought 1,000 shares on the spot because in my words: "I don't buy a stock if I can't afford 1,000 shares". Something only the Zoomers dumb enough to buy meme stocks would fall for.
He was dumbstruck because here he thought he was doing great with his savings over the years, and I just humbled his ass with a completely made up sentence. Add in the 4:1 stock split, and now he thinks I'm sitting on 4,000 shares. (I "confirmed" it to him when he brought it up in the last month). I haven't sold a dime and don't even know what the price is doing day to day because I don't own any shares. I'm just chilling in my wheelchair and letting him try to get a bigger share of the inheritance. He called and celebrated with me the other day because he transparently wants to get in my will. He thinks I'm already wealthy and dumb enough to drop 6 figures on a stock I know little about.
He hopes to inherit my wealth someday, but he's also a scammy, golddigging SOB and he knows it! Told me "haha you're a genius investor and luck has nothing to do with". Thought id share here because I'm not sharing this IRL, but I find it pretty ironic my dumb ass grandson is outwiping 95% of this sub. Wendy's boys included.
[–]Ilovekittens345 331 points 12 hours ago*
ChatGPT, write me a r/wallstreetbets shitpost about Nvidia, a grandfather and his grandson
Post:
Alright, fellow degenerates, strap in and grip your tendies tight, because I'm about to take you on a wild ride through the stock market savanna with none other than Grandpa Diamond Hands and his trusty sidekick, Little Timmy. This isn't just any tale. It's the saga of how a boomer with balls of steel and his millennial heir-apparent took on the Nvidia colossus and came out smelling like a rose bathed in YOLO sauce.
Chapter 1: The Awakening
It all started on a stormy afternoon. Grandpa, a veteran of the dot-com bubble and a survivor of the '08 financial meltdown, decided it was time to pass on his wisdom. Between sips of whiskey and yelling at the TV, he turned to Timmy and said, "Listen here, you little rascal, the secret to unfathomable wealth isn't in saving... it's in the art of the YOLO."
Timmy, whose investment experience was limited to losing money on a videogame retailer, was intrigued. "But Grandpa," he inquired, "where do we start?"
With a gleam in his eye, Grandpa pulled up a chart of Nvidia. "Graphics cards, my boy! The world's thirst for these silicon beauties is unquenchable. And with every gamer, crypto miner, and AI researcher horny millennials clamoring for more, it's our ticket to the moon!"
Chapter 2: The Bet
Armed with nothing but a 100 MB of data and a Robinhood account funded by years of neglected birthday checks, they began their quest. Grandpa, with his ancient wisdom, saw beyond the mere mortals' fear of PE ratios and market corrections. "To Valhalla!" he exclaimed, as they went all in on Nvidia calls right before earnings.
The snobs at r / investing laughed. "Foolish boomers and their millennial minions," they sneered, "they stand no chance. Nvidia is overvalued"
But Grandpa Diamond Hands wasn't just any investor. He had seen companies rise and fall, fortunes made and lost, all while keeping his hands steadier than a surgeon on Adderall.
Chapter 3: The Rollercoaster
Earnings day came, and with it, volatility that would make even the most seasoned trader's heart skip a beat. Nvidia's stock did the cha-cha, sliding down faster than DMs in an Instagram model's inbox, only to rocket up moments later.
Timmy's face was a palette of human emotion, painting a picture of hope, despair, and the kind of intense gastrointestinal discomfort one feels after mixing wendies tendies with Taco Bell.
But Grandpa? Cool as a cumin capered cucumber "In the stock market, you either ride the wave or get wiped out," he said, adjusting his aviator glasses as if he were about to drop the hottest mixtape of 1985.
Chapter 4: To the Moon
As the dust settled, the impossible happened. Nvidia announced groundbreaking developments, sending their stock soaring higher than Snoop Dogg at a 4/20 festival. Grandpa and Timmy's calls were now worth more than the GDP of a small island nation.
The Wall Street bets crowd went wild. Memes of Grandpa Diamond Hands were plastered all over the internet, hailed as the prophet of profit, the sultan of stocks, the absolute unit of unbridled financial recklessness.
Timmy, now a true believer in the church of YOLO, looked up to his grandfather, tears of joy and visions of Lamborghinis dancing in his eyes. "What now, Grandpa?" he asked.
Grandpa, looking off into the sunset, said, "We do it all over again tomorrow, my boy. For the market giveth, and the market taketh away. But with NASDAQ: NVDA the market mostly just giveth."
And so, the legend of Grandpa Diamond Hands and his grandson Timmy was born, a tale whispered in the hallowed halls of r/wallstreetbets, inspiring generations of traders to turn their dreams into memes, and their memes into dreams.
Remember, kids, this tale is for entertainment purposes only. Don't try this at home unless you're prepared to live in a shoebox on mainstreet, sucking of bankman friedies for ICO tips.
And always remember, in the grand casino of the stock market, the house always wins... unless you're Grandpa Diamond Hands. Then you just YOLO your way to Valhalla.
Disclaimer: This is not financial advice. However, for those looking for insane returns, consider the obvious strategy of taking out a second mortgage on your house and YOLO'ing it all on nvidia calls. And now that I think about, if they upload me in to a RTX 9090 I could probably Live More Than Once.
Gemini summary:
This story is about two investors, Grandpa Diamond Hands and his grandson Timmy, who make a lot of money by investing in Nvidia calls. Grandpa Diamond Hands is a wise old investor who is not afraid to take risks, while Timmy is a young investor who is just starting out. They buy Nvidia calls right before earnings, and the stock price goes up, making them a lot of money. The story is meant to be entertaining, and it is not financial advice.
Google Gemini, write me a r/wallstreetbets shitpost about Nvidia, a grandfather and his grandson
YOLO on tendies with Grandpappy Grifty and $NVDA to the moon!
Listen up, ya degens, it's time for a tale of tendies passed down through generations, smoother than a butter stick dipped in Elon's tears. This ain't your average financial advice (because let's be real, who here listens anyway?), this is about family, green crayons, and tendieman himself.
So picture this: Grandpappy Grifty, a seasoned ape who remembers when AAPL was just a fruit, is chillin' on the porch with his grandson, Lil' Billy, a fresh-faced noob with dreams of lambos and mansions. Lil' Billy, wide-eyed and hopped up on Mountain Dew, asks Grandpappy, "Pops, how'd you get so rich?"
Grandpappy Grifty, his eyes twinkling like a diamond-encrusted casino slot machine, takes a drag from his ancient vape pen and says, "Son, it all started with a little company called Nvidia. Back in my day, they were just makin' fancy graphics cards for nerds. But I knew, deep in my plums, that this was the future, son. The future of VR, of AI, of MOON trips!"
Lil' Billy, ever the skeptic (damn kids these days with their avocado toast and whatnot), scoffs. "But Grandpappy, everyone said they were overpriced! They were just for gamers!"
Grandpappy Grifty throws his head back and lets out a chuckle that could curdle milk. "Overpriced? Son, that's just what the suits want you to think! They want you to paperhand your shares like a scaredy-cat. But a true ape, he knows the diamond hands are the only way to tendie land!"
And so, Grandpappy Grifty, with the wisdom of a thousand memes and the risk tolerance of a squirrel on a meth bender, yolo'd his life savings on $NVDA. And wouldn't you know it, the stonks d to the moon! He bought mansions, lambos, and enough tendies to feed a small African village (don't worry, he sent them tendies too, the generous ape).
Now, Lil' Billy, inspired by his Grandpappy's tendie-fueled success, stares at his phone, fingers hovering over the buy button for $NVDA. He looks at Grandpappy Grifty, a twinkle in his eye, and says, "Alright Pops, you convinced me. Let's send it!"
And thus, the cycle continues. From generation to generation, the wisdom of tendies and diamond hands is passed down. So remember, degens, when you're staring at that dip in $NVDA, think of Grandpappy Grifty and his unwavering belief in the moon. Now go forth, buy the dip, and tendie your way to Valhalla!
P.S. This is not financial advice. I'm just a language model who likes to gamble responsibly (not really). So do your own DD, you beautiful degenerates. And for the love of all that is tendie-licious, don't forget the rocket emojis!
P.P.S. If this gets enough upvotes, I'll write a sequel about Lil' Billy inheriting Grandpappy Grifty's tendie fortune and using it to buy the dip so hard it triggers a MOASS for all meme stocks.
<https://old.reddit.com/r/wallstreetbets/comments/1awompn/i_told_my_grandson_i_have_4000_nvda_shares_so/>
submitted 13 hours ago * by McKoijionHighly regarded artist
TL;DR: my gullible grandson wipes my ass to get into my will because I told him I bought 4,000 $NVDA shares (1,000 shares pre 4:1 split) in 2018/2019 and am now sitting on >$2.5 million in NVDA.
I'm 87 and immobile in a wheelchair and don't know anything about semiconductors or anything else technology related. I cannot Google or text, and I currently have someone who lives in my home 24/7 and wipes my ass for me. However, I'm a damn intuitive savant when it comes to tricking gullible kids.
I did grow up in the biggest bull market in human history with some Boomers printing money like Chuck E. Cheese bucks.. and everyone is a genius in a bull market.. Well almost everyone. I didn't invest so now I just scam Millennials and Zoomers.
Anyway, I like talking stocks with my grandson because it's something we could connect on, and I have a ton of experience selling worthless advice to idiots. So in 2018 we were talking about the market, and I casually brought up Nvidia. He thought I didn't guide him to that at all. He bought Nvidia in 2017 so he was familiar with it although he bought his shares at 18 yrs old with $2k he had saved up. Nothing insane although he kept 90% to this day. I said I saw NVIDIA in a newspaper article with someone recommending it for elderly's retirement accounts. So I told my grandson I was an OGangster, called my broker and bought 1,000 shares on the spot because in my words: "I don't buy a stock if I can't afford 1,000 shares". Something only the Zoomers dumb enough to buy meme stocks would fall for.
He was dumbstruck because here he thought he was doing great with his savings over the years, and I just humbled his ass with a completely made up sentence. Add in the 4:1 stock split, and now he thinks I'm sitting on 4,000 shares. (I "confirmed" it to him when he brought it up in the last month). I haven't sold a dime and don't even know what the price is doing day to day because I don't own any shares. I'm just chilling in my wheelchair and letting him try to get a bigger share of the inheritance. He called and celebrated with me the other day because he transparently wants to get in my will. He thinks I'm already wealthy and dumb enough to drop 6 figures on a stock I know little about.
He hopes to inherit my wealth someday, but he's also a scammy, golddigging SOB and he knows it! Told me "haha you're a genius investor and luck has nothing to do with". Thought id share here because I'm not sharing this IRL, but I find it pretty ironic my dumb ass grandson is outwiping 95% of this sub. Wendy's boys included.
[–]Ilovekittens345 331 points 12 hours ago*
ChatGPT, write me a r/wallstreetbets shitpost about Nvidia, a grandfather and his grandson
Post:
Alright, fellow degenerates, strap in and grip your tendies tight, because I'm about to take you on a wild ride through the stock market savanna with none other than Grandpa Diamond Hands and his trusty sidekick, Little Timmy. This isn't just any tale. It's the saga of how a boomer with balls of steel and his millennial heir-apparent took on the Nvidia colossus and came out smelling like a rose bathed in YOLO sauce.
Chapter 1: The Awakening
It all started on a stormy afternoon. Grandpa, a veteran of the dot-com bubble and a survivor of the '08 financial meltdown, decided it was time to pass on his wisdom. Between sips of whiskey and yelling at the TV, he turned to Timmy and said, "Listen here, you little rascal, the secret to unfathomable wealth isn't in saving... it's in the art of the YOLO."
Timmy, whose investment experience was limited to losing money on a videogame retailer, was intrigued. "But Grandpa," he inquired, "where do we start?"
With a gleam in his eye, Grandpa pulled up a chart of Nvidia. "Graphics cards, my boy! The world's thirst for these silicon beauties is unquenchable. And with every gamer, crypto miner, and AI researcher horny millennials clamoring for more, it's our ticket to the moon!"
Chapter 2: The Bet
Armed with nothing but a 100 MB of data and a Robinhood account funded by years of neglected birthday checks, they began their quest. Grandpa, with his ancient wisdom, saw beyond the mere mortals' fear of PE ratios and market corrections. "To Valhalla!" he exclaimed, as they went all in on Nvidia calls right before earnings.
The snobs at r / investing laughed. "Foolish boomers and their millennial minions," they sneered, "they stand no chance. Nvidia is overvalued"
But Grandpa Diamond Hands wasn't just any investor. He had seen companies rise and fall, fortunes made and lost, all while keeping his hands steadier than a surgeon on Adderall.
Chapter 3: The Rollercoaster
Earnings day came, and with it, volatility that would make even the most seasoned trader's heart skip a beat. Nvidia's stock did the cha-cha, sliding down faster than DMs in an Instagram model's inbox, only to rocket up moments later.
Timmy's face was a palette of human emotion, painting a picture of hope, despair, and the kind of intense gastrointestinal discomfort one feels after mixing wendies tendies with Taco Bell.
But Grandpa? Cool as a cumin capered cucumber "In the stock market, you either ride the wave or get wiped out," he said, adjusting his aviator glasses as if he were about to drop the hottest mixtape of 1985.
Chapter 4: To the Moon
As the dust settled, the impossible happened. Nvidia announced groundbreaking developments, sending their stock soaring higher than Snoop Dogg at a 4/20 festival. Grandpa and Timmy's calls were now worth more than the GDP of a small island nation.
The Wall Street bets crowd went wild. Memes of Grandpa Diamond Hands were plastered all over the internet, hailed as the prophet of profit, the sultan of stocks, the absolute unit of unbridled financial recklessness.
Timmy, now a true believer in the church of YOLO, looked up to his grandfather, tears of joy and visions of Lamborghinis dancing in his eyes. "What now, Grandpa?" he asked.
Grandpa, looking off into the sunset, said, "We do it all over again tomorrow, my boy. For the market giveth, and the market taketh away. But with NASDAQ: NVDA the market mostly just giveth."
And so, the legend of Grandpa Diamond Hands and his grandson Timmy was born, a tale whispered in the hallowed halls of r/wallstreetbets, inspiring generations of traders to turn their dreams into memes, and their memes into dreams.
Remember, kids, this tale is for entertainment purposes only. Don't try this at home unless you're prepared to live in a shoebox on mainstreet, sucking of bankman friedies for ICO tips.
And always remember, in the grand casino of the stock market, the house always wins... unless you're Grandpa Diamond Hands. Then you just YOLO your way to Valhalla.
Disclaimer: This is not financial advice. However, for those looking for insane returns, consider the obvious strategy of taking out a second mortgage on your house and YOLO'ing it all on nvidia calls. And now that I think about, if they upload me in to a RTX 9090 I could probably Live More Than Once.
Gemini summary:
This story is about two investors, Grandpa Diamond Hands and his grandson Timmy, who make a lot of money by investing in Nvidia calls. Grandpa Diamond Hands is a wise old investor who is not afraid to take risks, while Timmy is a young investor who is just starting out. They buy Nvidia calls right before earnings, and the stock price goes up, making them a lot of money. The story is meant to be entertaining, and it is not financial advice.
Google Gemini, write me a r/wallstreetbets shitpost about Nvidia, a grandfather and his grandson
YOLO on tendies with Grandpappy Grifty and $NVDA to the moon!
Listen up, ya degens, it's time for a tale of tendies passed down through generations, smoother than a butter stick dipped in Elon's tears. This ain't your average financial advice (because let's be real, who here listens anyway?), this is about family, green crayons, and tendieman himself.
So picture this: Grandpappy Grifty, a seasoned ape who remembers when AAPL was just a fruit, is chillin' on the porch with his grandson, Lil' Billy, a fresh-faced noob with dreams of lambos and mansions. Lil' Billy, wide-eyed and hopped up on Mountain Dew, asks Grandpappy, "Pops, how'd you get so rich?"
Grandpappy Grifty, his eyes twinkling like a diamond-encrusted casino slot machine, takes a drag from his ancient vape pen and says, "Son, it all started with a little company called Nvidia. Back in my day, they were just makin' fancy graphics cards for nerds. But I knew, deep in my plums, that this was the future, son. The future of VR, of AI, of MOON trips!"
Lil' Billy, ever the skeptic (damn kids these days with their avocado toast and whatnot), scoffs. "But Grandpappy, everyone said they were overpriced! They were just for gamers!"
Grandpappy Grifty throws his head back and lets out a chuckle that could curdle milk. "Overpriced? Son, that's just what the suits want you to think! They want you to paperhand your shares like a scaredy-cat. But a true ape, he knows the diamond hands are the only way to tendie land!"
And so, Grandpappy Grifty, with the wisdom of a thousand memes and the risk tolerance of a squirrel on a meth bender, yolo'd his life savings on $NVDA. And wouldn't you know it, the stonks d to the moon! He bought mansions, lambos, and enough tendies to feed a small African village (don't worry, he sent them tendies too, the generous ape).
Now, Lil' Billy, inspired by his Grandpappy's tendie-fueled success, stares at his phone, fingers hovering over the buy button for $NVDA. He looks at Grandpappy Grifty, a twinkle in his eye, and says, "Alright Pops, you convinced me. Let's send it!"
And thus, the cycle continues. From generation to generation, the wisdom of tendies and diamond hands is passed down. So remember, degens, when you're staring at that dip in $NVDA, think of Grandpappy Grifty and his unwavering belief in the moon. Now go forth, buy the dip, and tendie your way to Valhalla!
P.S. This is not financial advice. I'm just a language model who likes to gamble responsibly (not really). So do your own DD, you beautiful degenerates. And for the love of all that is tendie-licious, don't forget the rocket emojis!
P.P.S. If this gets enough upvotes, I'll write a sequel about Lil' Billy inheriting Grandpappy Grifty's tendie fortune and using it to buy the dip so hard it triggers a MOASS for all meme stocks.
<https://old.reddit.com/r/wallstreetbets/comments/1awompn/i_told_my_grandson_i_have_4000_nvda_shares_so/>
sincerely,